WTF? OMG? IAMSOFUCKINSCREWED=D

OMG I CANT BELIEVE DT SPM IS HERE.... juzt went through 1 week of exams... next week will be a killer week. monday maths which is not a ptob but then on tue is agama, on wed is add maths and on thurs is freakin physics for gods sake!.... im so gonna die.. ='[ i havent studied a single shit for those subs and those are my worst subs in the face of worstfullness..... damn my english sux... but who d hell cares? spm finish (for bi) so can relax for a bit =D and OMG I WONT HAV TO DO HISTORY AND BM FOR THE REST OF MY GOD FORSAKEN LIFE!!! IM SO FREAKIN HAPPY... yet tormented coz i will commit suicide if i fail history ='[ i cannot!! i repeat... CANNOT afford to fail history coz im plannin on switching to arts stream for my SAM's.... fuckin hell!!..... damn.... ive been usin vulgar words a whole lot lately.. but i dont say it out loud ofcoz... muz remain good wattt.. lolx.... =P i wanna qrite a poem but i hav absolutely no idea of wat to write bout at d mmnt..... can i get a rain check? why thank you my dear blog =P.....

FCUK

I had absolutely no idea that FCUK stood for French Connection United Kingdom.... i seriously thought that the people who invented this brand were thinking of a word almost everyone thinks of doin..... u cant deny the fact that most of us think about it.... can you?

a sat by the window
listening to the willowing trees
a petite crow by the windowsill
devided to fly away and soar freely

although my poems are jibberish
and they may not appear so distinguised
they make me feel calm and happy inside
and most of all tey make me feel alive

dont ever judge a person
whom u have never lay your eyes on
never forget there's a reason
a reason for every given occasion

you may say that i cannot write poems
but sir i do not care
some say that there should be a reson to everyting
but to this i should declare
that i have no solid reason
nor do i have an explaination
for the hobby i have picked up over the decades
all i know that it has brought me happiness

coinciding worlds

when u speak of the future
it only makes my thoughts go numb
i cant think no further
its like ive suddenly become dumb

the after-effect however
will be forever
i will never dread
a single living minute
right up until everythin 
is over and done with

i cannot wait for this catastrophic event
to come to an end
i cannot begin to comprehend
the actual meaning of freedome
the actual meaning of wisdome
intelligence and discipline

the world is nothing
without a beginning
so please everyone
appreciate what god has done
everything that he has created
is not to be mistreated
if so is to occur
heaven and hell shall coincide
in a catastrophic war
on the day the worlds collide

you... me.... us..... WE....

ive missed you so
i cant bare this anymore

this destructful world
my tortured soul

my life is dangling by a thin vine
ready to snap at any given time

i cant bare the thought
i cant bare the sight
the sound
and not to mention the idea
of living in a world
which is full of contempt

rubbish by the pavement
rats in the alley
store owners who cant afford rent
i dont blame them for whats happening

we are the main cause
the only reason
of this huge fiasco
we have commited treason

payback time

life
trust
love
lust

i cant believe he actually tru to persuade her into believin d opposite thing.... i know what has hapened in the past... but plz.. juz try and forget it already... its the fucking past for gods sake..... arent we as humans supposed to forgive and forget? well at least that's what YOU taught me.... you know its making u sound like a total hypocrite.... i know i do stuff behind pplz back and all.. but eventually i say sorry... and they in return forgive me... but you? OHHHH NOOO I CANT FORGIVE HER... ITS A SIN TO FORGIVE HER.... well, AHAVENT YOU ALREADY COMMITED NUMEROUS SINS???? watever la.... from now on ill try not to talk... i wont call... i wont do anything... ill mind my own business and bugger out of everyone elses life.... everything is my fault to tell you the truth... if i wasnt here, if i didnt exist, everything would have been fine... you ppl wouldnt fight.... i wouldnt be a disgrace to your family.... you wouldnt hav to put up wif my crap and everythin... so those times when u so called missed me.... it was all a lie... a petty act to get ppl going.... you are such a good player... you shud win a grammy or sumtin... coz u fooled me.... you fooled me into missing me.... you fooled me when u hugged me and said dt it wud b ok... and u know wat? u have never.... not ever... not even ONCE... said that u loved me..... and dont deny the fact that ive said it before.... watever... you are partially out of my life..... i am like no one to you....now ill show you how good i am at acting... its payback time...

hi again

sorry for not being able to blog lately.. i miss blogging... and the reason im here is coz....

i feel so damn lonely.. i feel like crying every damn time i tink bout it.... my mom has her own probz and she will juz talk to me bout it.... she doesnt hear me out... no one hears me out... i feel so content wif my loneliness that i feel numb... there's no one i can talk to..... but wait.. there is... but the ting is dat... i tink he partially hates me... yes its a he.... i dunno why but when i talk to dis dude bout my crappy stuff i feel better.. he always makes me laugh.. mayb i shud call him... but i cant keep relying on him to make me happy.. i hav to feel happy on my own.... i wanna take pix.. but im freakin fed up wif my cam... its not as good as a dslr.... i need a dslr.. i cant stand it anymore......

i miss photography... i miss writing bout my life on this blog.. i miss listenin to music... i miss j..... he's gone.. he got into a car crash and he's gone.... into the oblivion.... he's lost in a black hole... he'll never reappear... ever.... he was such a good person... and i was the one who broke him... i was the ass... i was the utterly stupid cow to be so blind and abandon this lovely soul....

i feel a gush of emotions gushing out.... i feel like ive been taken over by some kinda of major emotional monster which is gonna explode at any known minute... i feel so helpless... i cant stop myself from exploding... i cant help myself from failing... i wanna do so many other stuff.. but i cant... coz im bound to this damn monster.. the emo-mon.... yes it officially has a name....

loneliness
worthlessness
those words
are poisonous
they can drain your confidence
and they pierce
through a persons heart

you

nothing to say
nothing to do
but all i want right now
is no one other than you

you seem so true
so clear cut and new
if only i knew
only then would i be able
to be with you

i cant describe this feeling
i cant put in on paper
i feel like falling
falling into a deep blunder

i've got no more words
i've got nothing to say
the only thing i can do
is beg for you to stay

why did you have to come back
why did you have to haunt me
it only reminds me of the times
when i felt really lonely

childishness is a sin
it may never fade away
you can never cure a broken heart of your cause of childishness
but god gives us opportunities to wash sins away

into the deep soul
thee seeks only for thou                                                  (trying to use thee,thy,thine,thou)
but only do thee find a desperate ghoul
who lurked beyond the grave of thou

i haven't finished this poem
there's much more to come
so please wait for just one day
for me to be done.

when i kiss you.... i feel your lips... thats all... no emotions.... but when i kissed the other..... i felt something.... i should have thought... i should have listened... i should be using my brain....i should be growing... i shouldnt be immature.... i shouldnt be a kid.... i have absolutely no idea wat to do next... which path to pick... which person to follow.... i have to teach you.... u know nothing.... u think maturely yet emmaturely.. i dont like it.... if you like him... youll change for me.... and we've gotta teach you how behave properly.... so disgusting.... you need a 101 on what i am... coz u donno how particular i actually am....

im so sad....

so emotional.....

you dont have to tell me that im bad.....

i know what ive done....

and this concludes.....

how i feel.....

I AM SCREWED.... OFFICIALLY

I AM OFFICIALLY GONNA BE SCREWED TOMORROW AFTERNOON....

sakthis told us that we had to go to the field tomorrow afternoon after skul at abt 1 pm..... i dunno wat to do.... im scared yet i know we will either clean the padang.... run.....ambarass ourselves or sumtin like dat.... chances are that she makes us run up and down the stairs of kesidang and also mayb sitting in d middle of d field and becoming 5 shades darker than we are now..... i dont mind actually.... as long as she isnt the reason i become sick again.... coz i cant bare havin such a bad throat.... it hurts.... and i wont be able to concentrate properly....

i screwed every paper..... im gonna start screwing myself soon.... haiz... im so damn dead.... haiz... i hate me....

i feel like a total silt...... i cant help it..... i feel like ive done something so entirely wrong and i cant help but feel so sorry and miserable bout it.... i know that we shouldnt dwell in our past but i just cant seem to get over dis damn thing....... dammit... haizzz

i love music..... music is my life..... music is a part of my soul.... i love you music!!!

im fed up of talkin..........ITS YOUR RIGHT... AS WELL AS MINE....

im seriously fed up of talking but i just cant get enough of it... i have gotta try to stop talking... haiz....

im so screwed.... i screwed the oath on monday... im gonna b screwed by miss malathy and not to mention pn. hew!!!!!!!! and tomorrow is her bday... HAPI BDAY PN HEW.... im sure all d teachrz hav seen my damn blog by now... i dont get why they wanna see our damn blogs... coz to tell u d truth.. all we do is crap bout our life... and if u find that interesting? be my guest....

if finally uploading all my pangkor pix... i hope u ppl like it.. =] view it on my fb la.... im not used to this new cam.. its a lil slow la... haiz... i want my alesia(pink cam) bak... DAMN YOU GREG.... UR SOOO GONNA GET IT EVENTHOUGH UR MY CUZ.....

i dunno wat ur prob is la.... ive tried asking you wat d prob is but u dont wanna answer.... i dunno wat to do.... you keep getting angry wif me and damn is it frustrating.... i dunno wats d prob.... u ask ppl to forget bout d past but ur still reminiscing in d damn past... its kinda hypocritical of you actually.... i know dat its ur fren.... i already told you... if u dont like wats happening.. just tell me and ill bugger out of everything.... ill just leave wats happening and let you lead ur life as it was in d past..... i cant help but remember bout wats going on eventhough they told me to forget bout the matter... but i still cant... coz ur my damn fren and i wanna know wats goin on in dat brain of urs... damn am i stubborn... i just cant shut up can i.... haiz.. kk... ill shuttap....

............
.............
............
here i go again... dat was 1 minute of shutting up... ill re-shuttap after i finish posting this post.... damn do i talk crap... i dunno how in the world im gonna debate... actually to tell you the truth, i dont tink im dat much of an OK debater... i mean... i can talk english.... but i cant stand up for myself and fight wif ppl... i can fight as in... street talking fight but not in a realllllllyyyy formal situation.... my vocab sucksss.... i cant talk in front of a croud.... i just stammer and forget my lines... im over gelabah.... i cant help it... i can sing quite nicely in front of a croud but i cant talk for shit.... haizzzzzzzzz

DIS DAMN BOARD THINGY IS SO DAMN FRUSTRATING... I HAVE GOTTA FINISH IT... BUT I CANT DO IT NOW COZ WE'RE HAVIN OUR DAMMIT EXAMS.... its ok i can do it on fri or next mon coz im free on mons till 4 and i can tell ma dat ill go straight to tuition from skul... easier....

READ MY BLOG LA IF U WANT...... i cant stop you.... i cant say no.... u have rights of your own... so read... but dont get offended or angry wif me... coz these feelings of mine only last for a little while coz everyone has bigger problems everyday...... so these minor feelings of mine which i write about in my blog are actually nonsense and they should be left alone and not to be brought up at skul or anywhere else for that matter...... coz its just here and now.... we're not at skul.... we're not in class.... we're just on this blogspot... and its our feelings... not yours.... now this is my right to say what i want.... please dont get offended.... i mean no harm..... thankyou for reading my weird blog... and im sorry if ive done anything or said anything that has hurt you... but please... just forget it.... to tell you the truth.... its nothing to get all worked up about....

examzzzz... ggggrrrrr

i feel so old at skul...... haiz... newayz.... im gonna screw this exam... but i know i can do better wif the next..... they threw it at us too early laa... i know dt we're supposed to b dammit ready and all but the truth is that WE ARENT READY..... i gotta start doing loads of papers and all... actually its all just doing questions... no use actually studying and stuff.... coz in the end u gotta know wat kinda questions will b comin out and if u read too much u wont be exposed to those questions and ull flunk d paper anyways.... haiz.... i hate life.....

awwww... cute tau! chickens and birds flew away when d cage was opened.... young kindergarte thug wif a gf and faught wif a small boy coz dat boy took d swing which was  beside d gf.... lol... awwwww hahahahahahaha...... so funny yet damn freakin cute... haha.... i shall be a good girl! =D azam baru.... and so far ive been going strong.. =]....

DAMN LA I GOTTA STUDY FOR AGAMA...... haizzzzzzzzzzzzzz........again its all bout doin the damn questions... haiz....

YEAHHHH!!!! PARTAYYYY!!!! MUAHAHAHAAAA!!!!... lol...