hi again

sorry for not being able to blog lately.. i miss blogging... and the reason im here is coz....

i feel so damn lonely.. i feel like crying every damn time i tink bout it.... my mom has her own probz and she will juz talk to me bout it.... she doesnt hear me out... no one hears me out... i feel so content wif my loneliness that i feel numb... there's no one i can talk to..... but wait.. there is... but the ting is dat... i tink he partially hates me... yes its a he.... i dunno why but when i talk to dis dude bout my crappy stuff i feel better.. he always makes me laugh.. mayb i shud call him... but i cant keep relying on him to make me happy.. i hav to feel happy on my own.... i wanna take pix.. but im freakin fed up wif my cam... its not as good as a dslr.... i need a dslr.. i cant stand it anymore......

i miss photography... i miss writing bout my life on this blog.. i miss listenin to music... i miss j..... he's gone.. he got into a car crash and he's gone.... into the oblivion.... he's lost in a black hole... he'll never reappear... ever.... he was such a good person... and i was the one who broke him... i was the ass... i was the utterly stupid cow to be so blind and abandon this lovely soul....

i feel a gush of emotions gushing out.... i feel like ive been taken over by some kinda of major emotional monster which is gonna explode at any known minute... i feel so helpless... i cant stop myself from exploding... i cant help myself from failing... i wanna do so many other stuff.. but i cant... coz im bound to this damn monster.. the emo-mon.... yes it officially has a name....

loneliness
worthlessness
those words
are poisonous
they can drain your confidence
and they pierce
through a persons heart