sir may i?

i can feel you by my side
i can feel your hand twined with mine.
i miss your voice
i miss your smile

i was so shocked when you called
i could hardly believe my eyes
no wonder you couldnt call
you were busy with your 'pall'


you should be more careful
you should take care
damn r u a handfull
but watta heck i love you

i wont leave you
youre too precious
you actually called me ur.......
even i was suprised

ur mom knew
ur bro doesnt
ur dad may know
but this is irrelevant

luv ya..... thank god u x hav a blog.... if u ever saw this..... i would KILL myself.... lolz.... muaxxx....

herm..... cant sleep.... too full to sleep... but damn am i sleepy.... and the ac is so cooling.... lolz....
yay! only 1 more week of torture!!! then itll b d holz!! im goin for the manu game!!! lol =D..... feelin way better today.... at least ill laugh at a joke.... we're goin out for dinner wif kakak dena today =D... tomorrow i dont tink ill go for tennis... im not sure if we should.... hhhmmm..... dunno laa.... hhmmm......
goin be out the whole day next fri... morn got skul as usual... but itll be teachers day.... then after that the gathering meeting will be goin on till roughly bout 6/7.... then we'll straight go to farah's bday partay.... then oni ill come bak... damn... then on sat we'll b goin to 1u!!! =D.... me irene purnema and dunno who else yet... lolz.... wana sleep laa.... nitez eventhough its 2! lol....

k i seriously gotta do that.... im not sure

juzt cant freakin wait for our xamz to finish laa..... seriously... i cant even wait for tomorrow to end... then at least we would have finished 3 subjects! hahaha..... omg... bio 2 tomorrow..... chem 3 wont be tooooo hard coz itll be based on which experiments we've done..... haha.... i was so damn freakin tired today... no joke... seriously.... i was gonna faint!! and i couldnt sleep! i tink its insomnia..... im feelin much better now but not that good..... damn.... i tink i may be getting my 'exam sickness' ting again... haiz... hate it when this crap happens... seriously irritatin....

omg... miss malathy said dat our class did her paper 2 like SERIOUS SHITTT... she warned us to reli go bak and make sure dat we study during the weekends.... i tink i seriously hav gotta start studyin laa.... its ok doin last minute crap like this... but i tink ill do vetter if i juz start studyin a lil by lil everyday then i wont hav to study extra coz everythin would be stuck in my damn it brain....

i hav no idea why ppl torture themselves.... after our paper in the mornin rite before recess, pn. tan was in our class counting our papers and stuff like that... so then she opened her record book and there they were... the results for our adm 2...... and these fools actually had the nerve of lookin at their marks.... they shouldnt haave.... they should have juz been a lil bit more patient and relax.... its wayyy vetter to get our results after the skul holz... at last we wont feel too sad or in my case depressed.....

i feel happy that i can feel pain.... i pinched myself today... coz i was sleeping off... and at first i got scared coz i didnt feel anything!... but then i pinched again and thank god i felt the pain receptors sending the nerce impulses to my brain telling me.... not that it was pain... but that i could feel.... i know.... too damn emoetic rite.... we'll be goin to 1u next sat!! =D... and the night before that we're gonna PARTAY!!! lol..... hahaha..... i dont care... im gonna swim... im gonna put an extra pair of shorts or pants and a baju or anytin so that i can get WETTT... lol... and i asked purne to do the same.....and irene too..... asyirah and saks may not b cmin... but wattahell rite.... at least ive got jamie,naei,ireneand lastly... purnema... sheesh.. now ive gotta start bcumin fwenz wif her all over again.... newayz....

hhhmmm........ cant b bothered wif him anymore...... if he wants to sms.... then sms.... if he doesnt wanna.... then FINE..... WE'RE OVER..... i cant believe i actually fell for you...... but ill never forget what we had...... it was reli special....

skul sucks...... tuition rocks....... xamz r goin on.... pala's said dat if we didnt get gud marks for our sc subs this term.... she'll extend our class on weds till 6... which is extremely fine by me..... i encourage it even... except on tues... and i already told her that tues i cant coz ma has dance..... tuition today was reli fun...... talked... teased.... haha.... thank god for thulz and arul... otherwise i would have been a loner there... haha... arul is damn fun laa.... kecian him..... he's exgf ah.... seriously la she...... no comments......even he was kinda angry wif her.... but i noe he's still in lurve wif her.... haha..... u noe why? coz he said i couldnt even say hi to her... she said hi to him at first... she acknowledged him.... but he juz couldnt respond coz he said dat his heard was pounding and it was like..... beating reli reli fasttt...... awwwww... lol..... but pity him..... newayz.... i still dunno why kash is like that... she doesnt act thatttttt bitchy arnd me.... but they say(arul + thulz) she is a majorrrrr no.1..... numero uno biaaaccchh....... lolz.... but i have noticed her sence of STYLE..... and the way she WALKS...... and the way she tries to act CUTE...... its so freakin irritatin laaa!!!!! ISHHH.... lolz.....

kept doin the 'PEACE' sign to everyone i passed by... lolz

walked wif purnema again today... wasnt that bad....

WAS FREAKIN PISSED!!!.... as i was goin up the stairs in the mornin to take my attendance.... kak vino was comin down.... so i said 'g. morning' she also balased... then she asked if i was stil wearin my earrings... i said no laa... coz its true... i dont wear them during skul hours..... then she asked sure? then i said yea... then she asked if i would b goin to duty after takin my attendance.. i said ya laa... coz i duty everyday.... she said that she's realized that i havent been goin for duty!!! wat crap!!! ive got tonnes of witnesses that can say that ive been goin and doin my duty for at least the past 2 weeks.... they are such crappers!!!!!! and i know who's been complainn..... i know who..... i dunno if they hav a grudge against me or wat... but IM FREAKIN STAYIN SO JUZ DEAL WIF IT!.... arsss....

hhhhmmmmmm.......... talked to my fwenz cousin today.... she's kinda nice.....

didnt go for karate.... am kinda fed up of karate laa.... i juz feel like stopping... im fed up of fighting.... i wanna do kata.... i love karat eventhough u hav to practice like HELL.... im wiling to go through all that..... its juz so beautiful to watch and incredibly interestin to learn....

tennis yesterday kinda rocked..... i loved the sprints.... actually, i wasnt that tired.. but my stomach was givin trouble for god knows what reason.....

i actually understand physics!!!! yay!!! so happy!!! lol... sori... craziness personified.....

examz are still goin on.... hav not a single clue wat tomorrows subs are but watta heck rite... lol.... and i did study.... its not like i didnt... and after we come bak from 1u ill study chem... i tink chem 2 is tomorrow -_-...... 0_0.....

complicating.....unpredictable.....cute......lovable.....moronic....psychotic.....weird....hot....funny......
sweet....

sowie.... weirdness personified... lol....

nothin to say....
nothin to do

if i wait for you long enough....
ill become tau foo.....

like you...
hate you....
dispise you
embrace you

kick you
hug you
punch you
kiss you

confused by ur actions....
your weird interactions
but your touch
is so compelling

an ode to a bee

friday

its friday night. i promised carrie that i would go with her to that party that she's been waiting for for what seems like an eternity. i stand in front of my waredrobe. i caant decide what to wear. i think i need to go into town this coming weekend. i need to go shopping and i also need to buy that book that i've been wanting badly. the book acually hit the top 10 list last month! i was actually suprised that i did. anyways, i finally settle on a tight grey cardigan along with my favourite jeans. as i put on a little lipgloss, i hear carrie honk her new ford. i still cant believe that her dad actually bought it for her. she's one lucky gurl.

as soon as i sit down, carrie begins to chatter away about her date with jason. it seems that he used to play baseball. to tell you the truth, i couldnt care less about jason. not after what happened in front of the house that day but i just shut my trap and nodd along with her anthusiasm. she must really like him. she's actually blushing! i've never seen her doin that. she continues chattering all the way to the party.

we reach claire's house. there are easily about 65 people laughing, chattering and some even kissing inside her house. once inside, carrie instantly spots nessa and walks over to her to talk about her date. i just mind my business. i felt rather parched. so i walk to the kitchen and manage to get a hold on a paper cup and i pour some fruit punch into it. as soon as i smell the so called 'fruit punch' i conclude that one of the guys had spiked it. i just cant be bothered to look for another cup and decide to just drink whats already in the cup up. suprisingly, i find it kind of nice! so i pour some more of the concoction into my cup and head towards the main hall which is literally FILLED with people. i start to feel a little callaustrophobic and start to run towards the backyard.

and there he was. standing right before my very eyes. i coudnt believe her was here. he didnt seem like the party kind of guy but still there he was. standing there with his earth brown sandy hair, and beautiful blue eyes. they had a weird sence of secutiry and mystery. it was very frustrating to deal with. being the coward which i am, i decide to just sit down somewhere and i spot a patch of fresh green grass by a huge pine tree.

i miss you so.....

have been listenin to paramore more than usual lately.... ive realized how meaningfull their songs are..... freakin cool....... xamz r day after tomorrow..... im officially gonna commit suicide......

omg..... he got beaten up..... why did he hav to borrow the laptop...... and then lose it! but it was an accident! now he's being the hunted..... he almost got slashed!!! omg..... im so worried for him.... hope he's ok.... tried to call him..... he didnt answer =[.... but thank god i got a msg from sum number sayin 'tashamaaaaa'....... i miss him callin me that.... haha it makes me seem so innocent..... lol =P.......

cant believe me anymore

im fed up...tired.... live... the worn out.... im fed up of the way i live... the things i do... why cant i be as good as you.... why cant i just be perfect... then mayb sum1 would appreciate me for who i am and not what i appear to be..... everyone missinterprets me for sum1 im not sumtimes.... im fed up and tired of it..... why cant life juz end so that i can rest in peace for eternity....

i hate it when they fight... why cant they juz seperate and get over wif it already...... thank god she doesnt complain that much anymore.... inlike the last time..... i actually asked her if they were gonna get a divorce!...... actually... frankly speaking.... i think they should.... i mean.... they are total opposites..... they like different things...... i think thats coz they both changed as the world evolved...... but im still me usual emoetic self..... i thought id become more of a pop person... but then i changed back... and im happy coz i know that i can at least cry and let my tears out.... coz sumhow..... they tend to take away the hate and sadness and not to mention the feeling of betrayal along with every single drop of H2O + salt.......

i miss you....... i wonder if youre even tinking bout me........ coz i know i tink bout u..... i know im extremely lame... but at least would you let me in on whats happenin every once in a while...... ive decided to ignore you....... im concidering myself single at this very moment.... but i juz cant..... i love that sensation..... that feeling of belongingness...... all i want is to belong..... to be liked.... to be appreciated....... to be held from time to time when im about to fall into a deep dark pit..... coz if i fall in there without sum1 to pick me up..... i may never ever get up......

freakin tired

skul was...... extremely tiring.... after bm and add math.... it was supposed to b pjk, agama and physicz... but our pjk teacher juz gave up on us.... their moral teacher was absent... but my agama teacher was there..... so i went for agama.... but the ting was that i went reli late and after sitting for 10 minutes i hear the teacher tellin us that our time was up and dat it was high time we went bak to class... lol.... there was actually no use of me blimbing up and down and up and down that damn freakin block..... over and over again..... do you know that i climb up at least 150 stepz per day? and thats not including the times where we hav to literally run to our history or add math class..... and not to mention whenever i gotta go down for duty... haiz.... so neways... we had 5 periods of physics... but did we study??? NOPE... =P instead, we painted walls.... our class teacher or also known as our physics teacher had volunteered us to paint 3 small murals....... so there we were.... sitting in the BLAZING HOT SUN..... drawing and painting on a black surface(black absorbes heat... so can you imagine how freakin hot the wall was!)..... it was so so sooooo incredibly HOTTTTT......... i was like..... sweating a whole olympic sized pool!!!>... haizzz... nwayz....

after skul, we had our prefects meeting...... there, they busted me for not goin for duty... i felt a lil guilty... and they also busted me for not passing any kesalahan disiplin casses..... they also had a discipline check.... but they checked me in particular coz i usually wore diamond studs to skul(cubic zerconia's ofcoz)....... and i had lotsa money wif me at that moment coz i had to my tuition.... thank god my classmate was the pen. ketua disiplin... so she was the one who checked me.... and damn is she nice.... she's anything BUT strict.... hahaha.... i was actually wearing 2 earrings... but during the beginning of the meeting i already managed to do a lil sneaking and pull them out wifout any1 noticing..... hahahaha...... then after they checked, the actual ketua came and checked.... OMG.... but thank god i proved her wrong by not wearing any earrings at all! lol..... im sure one of the seniors must have seen me wearing tonnes or earrings... lol..... i juz love earrings...... i need to get more of them.... =P.....

haizzz..... damn examz r next wed.... im so not ready.... havent studied at all.... havent reviced..... im gonna literally DIE..... huhuhuhuhuhuuu =[..... ill miss you darl!!!

MUAXX.....

am currently studying both biology and chemistry both at the same time.... lol.... chemistry chapter 3 is kinda confusing.... but chapter 4 is kinda interestin coz there r many experiments... but a lot of memorising.... checked my eyes... my right eye has estig... but i dont tink my left eye has anythin..... haizz..... newayz.... skul today was not bad.... so was tuition..... actually.... overall today was a good day.... it was fun and exiting... lol... im actually amazed coz usually there would be at least 1 kinda misfit that would happen..... okiee.... i guess i gotta go.... gotta go pack bag and all.... chaozzz

hav been dying of thirst lately..... so freakin thirsty laa.... too busy to drink h2o... huhuhuhuuu....

hate being who i am... i wanna change.... i wanna become a supergirl.... but the thing is..... i cant... however i try to change... whatever i try to do to make myself change... i cant.... haizzz.... and i dont know if any1 really wants me to change or anythin..... but i feel like as though they are fed up of dealing wif me....

plz watch bride wars..... its so freakin touching.... and meaningfull.....

i need to work.... i need to train.... i was re-beaten by that girl from labuan... i hate loosing..... i hate me.... i hate the fact that i could have done so much better..... i hate the fact that even master knew very well that i could have done so much better....i know that i could have made it through..... they arent that much better than i am.... its juz dat i need to work a lil bit more.... i need to put in more effort.....

i reli miss you..... havent received a single message from you in a long time... but i know that you would be reli buzy.... you're workin at klcc.... but i know that its only until june the 13th..... you will be in shah alam from then on.... =[ .... how am i gonna see you.... how am i gonna meet you.... i reli miss you.... i miss the times we used to sms every single day.... the times where we would meet almost every fortnight.... haizzz..... i sound so literaturish.... lol.....

hhhmmmm..... lyfe sucks.....
i miss him..... havent smsed him..... havent seen him..... havent heard him.... havent held him....
decided to msn dat dude today.... he actually replied.... he isnt mad wif me... i asked why he didnt reply after wat happened..... he said dat he did..... and dat he even called..... but i didnt get anythin!! haizz...... he says he tinks of me whenever he watches australia.... whenever he walks along the lorong.... lol..... crazy laa.....

sunday got tournament.... freakin scared..... will surely lose..... no doubt..... injured myself on mon... so couldnt go for claz on wed.... and they didnt hav claz on thurs... damn laa.... they should hav had claz....... newayz im soooo gonna die la whey

skul sucks..... we will be gettin out skirts on the 10th.. hehehehe... so week after next ill be wearin my new uni!! wheeeee ! =D..... so exiting!!!

gonna see kerri tommorow!! havent seen her in an extremely long time.... i kinda miss her.... miss gossipin.... miss irritatin... miss disturbin... miss havin fun.... i hope their skul has that science night this yr too...... coz it seriously rocked last yr..... !!! =D