payback time

life
trust
love
lust

i cant believe he actually tru to persuade her into believin d opposite thing.... i know what has hapened in the past... but plz.. juz try and forget it already... its the fucking past for gods sake..... arent we as humans supposed to forgive and forget? well at least that's what YOU taught me.... you know its making u sound like a total hypocrite.... i know i do stuff behind pplz back and all.. but eventually i say sorry... and they in return forgive me... but you? OHHHH NOOO I CANT FORGIVE HER... ITS A SIN TO FORGIVE HER.... well, AHAVENT YOU ALREADY COMMITED NUMEROUS SINS???? watever la.... from now on ill try not to talk... i wont call... i wont do anything... ill mind my own business and bugger out of everyone elses life.... everything is my fault to tell you the truth... if i wasnt here, if i didnt exist, everything would have been fine... you ppl wouldnt fight.... i wouldnt be a disgrace to your family.... you wouldnt hav to put up wif my crap and everythin... so those times when u so called missed me.... it was all a lie... a petty act to get ppl going.... you are such a good player... you shud win a grammy or sumtin... coz u fooled me.... you fooled me into missing me.... you fooled me when u hugged me and said dt it wud b ok... and u know wat? u have never.... not ever... not even ONCE... said that u loved me..... and dont deny the fact that ive said it before.... watever... you are partially out of my life..... i am like no one to you....now ill show you how good i am at acting... its payback time...

hi again

sorry for not being able to blog lately.. i miss blogging... and the reason im here is coz....

i feel so damn lonely.. i feel like crying every damn time i tink bout it.... my mom has her own probz and she will juz talk to me bout it.... she doesnt hear me out... no one hears me out... i feel so content wif my loneliness that i feel numb... there's no one i can talk to..... but wait.. there is... but the ting is dat... i tink he partially hates me... yes its a he.... i dunno why but when i talk to dis dude bout my crappy stuff i feel better.. he always makes me laugh.. mayb i shud call him... but i cant keep relying on him to make me happy.. i hav to feel happy on my own.... i wanna take pix.. but im freakin fed up wif my cam... its not as good as a dslr.... i need a dslr.. i cant stand it anymore......

i miss photography... i miss writing bout my life on this blog.. i miss listenin to music... i miss j..... he's gone.. he got into a car crash and he's gone.... into the oblivion.... he's lost in a black hole... he'll never reappear... ever.... he was such a good person... and i was the one who broke him... i was the ass... i was the utterly stupid cow to be so blind and abandon this lovely soul....

i feel a gush of emotions gushing out.... i feel like ive been taken over by some kinda of major emotional monster which is gonna explode at any known minute... i feel so helpless... i cant stop myself from exploding... i cant help myself from failing... i wanna do so many other stuff.. but i cant... coz im bound to this damn monster.. the emo-mon.... yes it officially has a name....

loneliness
worthlessness
those words
are poisonous
they can drain your confidence
and they pierce
through a persons heart